30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 18

A picture of something you are jealous of.

I would love to be able to sing :)

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

As some of you may or may not know this past fall I took a job in Lynchburg at the Public Defenders office.  I left a job I love to gain more experience working primarily in the adult criminal justice field, a huge pay increase, along with the benefits that come along with a state agency (primarily all the paid days off :).  When I say a job I love I mean it.  As frustrating as the "system" may be at times I felt like what I was doing made a difference.  I had worked so hard to earn respect in Roanoke and in my field.  I had created working relationships with various outside agencies.  And I felt like I was making an impact on the juveniles I worked with.  However, being a single mom of 2 teenage girls the increase in pay was my calling.  It never occured to me that I wouldn't get the position.  I knew I was qualified.  I was confident.  And I was right.  I took the job.  My first week I knew in my heart and my gut that this was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life but thought it was just because I was the "new kid on the block."   Nope.  It was the people I worked with (who thought that I worked for, big difference).  Not quite 3 weeks later I was calling my old boss asking if I could still come back.  I was fortunate enough to be allowed to come back.  I put in a 2 week notice and returned to my position with DJJ and a huge cut in pay.

I learned a very valuable lesson. (several acutally)

• Money does NOT buy happiness
• I want to make a difference in this world, not just go to work to pay the bills
• My work has to have meaning
• My working relationships with other agencies is imperative to effective outcomes
• Never look down on others you "think" are beneath you (as I was treated and did NOT tolerate)

Do not take anything for granted & a huge appreciation for my co-workers and my boss.  Sure every job has it ups and downs.  But the benefits far outweigh the downfalls.  No job is perfect.  I was miserable in Lynchburg.  Despite losing some monetary benefits my mental health is more important.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 16

A picture of someone who inspires you.

This lady in the photo next to me is such an exceptional woman.  Angela is a Advocate Manager for CASA of Central VA.  CASA is a volunteer program for abused and neglected children.  The CASA volunteers are assigned a child(ren) and makes recommendations to the court as to what is in the best interest of the child.  Angela supports her volunteers, is available 24/7, and continues to fight the battle against abused and neglected children.  Anyone who works in the human service field knows that it is an exhausting job.  It is emotionally and mentally draining but also rewarding at the same time.  Angela has been in the field for many years and while I know she must have her days of giving up and walking away; she gets up the next day and continues to advocate for something she believes in.  Perhaps if we had more people like her then child abuse and neglect wouldn't be as common as it is today.  On behalf of all the abused and neglected children in this country I thank her for her continued efforts and the work she does. 

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Travel.  I want to visit Paris, Hawaii, Mexico, Thailand, Italy, go on crusies, see the seven wonders of the world.  In April I'll be visiting Las Vegas!  First time on an airplane.  I have the jitters.  But I am so excited!

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 14

A picture of someone you couldn't imagine your life without.

I have said it before and I'll say it again, my girls are my everything and life is unimaginable without them.  I loved them the moment I knew they were growing inside me.  Nothing can compare to the love between a mother and a child.  To give birth to another being is incredible.  And to be called mom is the sweetest sound you'll ever hear.

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 13

A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Add caption

Well I am not a huge music fan.  I enjoy listening to the Mornin' Thang in the mornings on the way to work.  I like hip hop, rock, country, and instrumental.  The Score from any movie is something I enjoy.  Not a fan of anything where I can't understand what they are saying, i.e. screamo, heavy rap, etc. 

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 12

A picture of something you love.



Jeff Dunham

 Apparently I had been living in a cave on the side of the mountain because until last year I had NEVER heard of Jeff Dunham.  Thanks to Netflix and my beau I watched Spark of Insanity.  I have never laughed so hard in my life!  So that was it.  I am hooked.  So much so that I asked for my own Peanut for Christmas.  My beau, of course, obliged and I am now a proud owner of my very own talking Peanut :) If ever I am having a bad day I can always count on Peanut, Walter, Achemed, Bubba J, Jose Jalepeno on a Stick, and Sweet Daddy Dee to bring a smile and a laugh to my face!

30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 11

A picture of something you hate.

Stink bugs

Ugh!  Stink bugs.  Need I say more?  They are hard to kill, attempting to take over my house.  My dogs like to play with them.  And they stink!

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 10

A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Ha!  Anyone who knows when the Michelle's get together there is no telling :)  Wish I could tell some of the messed up things we have done..but they are not stories for just anybody ;-) 

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 9

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Okay, so once again I could not pick just one.  These 3 have have always been here for me!  They truly are some awesome friends!

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 8

A picture of something that makes you laugh.

So for Thomas's birthday one year, I sent him on a treasure hunt to find his presents.  There was a clue in each place.  When he finally got to his presents one of them was wrapped something ridiculous!  I had used a huge amount of tape to make it difficult for him to get through.  It was too funny :)

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 7

A picture of your most treasured item.

My girls are not an "item" but I can't think of anything I treasure more!

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 6

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.



Oprah

 I don't really have anyone I would want to trade with, I am happy with my life :).  But Oprah is rich, successful, insightful, intelligent, giving, and kind.  So if I must choose...

30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 5

A picture of your favorite memory.

September 2006

This is the summer Thomas and I reconnected after about 10 years!  I can't pinpoint one detail that made this night so memorable.  For some reason it has just been one of my favorites.  This is also the first picture of us together :) 

30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 4

A picture of my favorite night.

Graduation Party

This is a picture from my graduation party.  What a super busy day and night this was!  And I was exhausted.  It is one of my favorite nights though.  I worked hard to get my degree.  Most of it I was working two jobs and raising my two daughters.  I deserved the recognition.

30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 3

A picture of the cast of your favorite T.V. Show.



Grey's Anatomy

Choosing one of anything is difficult for me :)  Right now my 2 favorite shows are Grey's Anatomy and Vampire Diaries.  Grey's Anatomy has been on longer and I have watched every single episode.  I even have my beau watching it :)  And he loves it!

30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 2

A picture of you and the person you have been closest to the longest.

This was a hard one.  It was definitely between Stacey and Michelle.  I have been friends with Stacey a little longer.  Stacey and I have been friends for almost 10 years now.  We have definitely been through some crazy stuff together :)  I miss some of those days!  Our friendship remains strong.  We can go days or weeks without speaking but I know I can call her up anytime and vent, cry, laugh.  She will definitely tell me when I am being stupid :-) or if she agrees.  Stacey and I are definitely in our friendship for the long haul.  We have come along way since our Target days.

30 Day Photo Challenge-Day 1

I have been inspired by my fellow facebook friends and my little sister, Heather :) 

Day 1: A picture of yourself with 15 facts.

1. This is the only picture I have of me at work :)
2. I LOVE shoes :)
3. I have two AMAZING daughters!
4. I love my job.
5. I love my family and friends.
6. I have three pups (Kasey, Chloe, and Lil Man) and 2 hamsters (Sebastian & Sam).
7. I sell Scentsy and I love it!
8. I love to scrapbook.
9. I hate to put clothes away and usually live out of a clothes basket.
10. I am a summer time girl!
11. I am a country girl.
12. I love shopping.
13. I like the smell of fresh cut grass.
14. I am going to school to get my Master's degree.
15. I miss my dad.

The Truth Hurts: Parent, Friend, or Disciplinarian

I have been criticized as well as praised for my "hard" core parenting style.  I have low tolerance for bad behavior and a blatant disregard for the rules.  Some people have made statements to me saying that my girls are so well behaved and that I shouldn't be so hard on them.  My response, "Why do you think they are so well behaved?"  Seriously.  Do you think my children would be well behaved if I let them "run" over top of me?  If I didn't set rules and expectations?  I expect my daughters to be mindful and respectful to others, to follow the rules, to do their chores, to make good grades.  If they do not do what is expected of them then I discipline them.  So my children are well behaved and good because of the way I have raised them.

Too often I see parents trying to "befriend" their children.  Parents make excuses for their child's unexcusable behavior, and/or enable their negative behavior.  And too often it is the child/ren who run the household.  It is called parental hierarchy.  Why as a parent do they feel the need to be their child's friend?  As a parent wouldn't your goal for your children to be better than you are?  I hope that my girls will finish high school, go to college, and become responsible and productive adults...for them to be self sufficient.  If I am their friend and have no expectations of them then I can expect that behavior to truly show itself when they are adults, still living at home, and mom is still taking care of them and all because I wanted to be their friend.  Perhaps when they are grown, I can then be their friend (hopefully their best friend).  Ages 13 and 11 is not the time for that.  Right now, I have to be the parent and the disciplinarian.  Right now, I have to be their conscience when peer pressures are trying to encourage less than acceptable behavior.  Right now, I have to teach them how to weigh the consequences of their actions so they can learn to sort through tough decisions. 

Rules and structure: Believe it or not children want and like rules and structure.  Even when they are pushing and breaking the rules...deep down they like them.  My daughters have pretty much had the same routine since they Pre-K.  Monday through Fridays went a little something like this:
6:30 AM Wake up, get dress, eat breakfast, catch the bus
3:30 home from school, snack, homework
5:30ish dinner
6:30ish chores, free time
7:30ish bath, get school stuff together for the next day
8:00 Bed (now it is 9:00)

Do they really like a 9:00 bedtime.  Probably not.  But guess what...kids need 10-12 hours a sleep. They have to get up between 6 and 6:30. If I let them, they would stay up till 11 at least. (except Alyssa, she likes to sleep ;)  The girls have had the same routine for years.  Evenings go smoothly.  They know what they have to do.  And for the past several years they have done it without me having to make them.  There is no fussing, arguing (except when one of them has used all the hot water), or complaining.  They like the structure.  So do I.

The arguing rant.  Why argue with your child?  I refuse to argue with my children.  Kayla is the worst :)  She always wants to argue and have the last word.  Guess what?  My word is final.  I refuse to argue with her or her sister.  I am the Parent.  She is the child.  When I see parents arguing with their children it makes me wonder who is the parent? and who is the child?

My biggest rant and rave of all is rewarding bad behavior.  How many of you have been at the grocery store or department store and witnessed this.... child is talking back to the parent, kicking, screaming, having a total, full blown temper tantrum and the parent bribes good behavior with a toy.  "If you be a good boy/girl, I'll buy you this..." Seriously?!? What are you thinking?  I have never been the type of parent to buy my child something everytime we go to the store much less reward them for being completely disrespectful, rude, loud, and out of control.  Too actually bribe your child to behave....shouldn't that be expected?

Pedi's



Our pretty toes :)



All feet are ugly.  Fresh pedi's or not.  However, pedi's always manage to make feet a little less ugly.

I decided to take the girls out for pedicures.  It was their first time and they loved it :) 

As much as I hate feet...nothing beats soaking your feet and having someone else do all the dirty work.  Plus the designs always look so nice.

The Truth Hurts: The Difference Between a Single Parent and Single Parents

I decided to start my first The Truth Hurts blog off with the distinction of single parenting because I am of one type of single parent.  Often enough we hear a person state "they are a single parent"  but lets put that statement into perspective. 

(A)
There is a difference in ONE person raising a child and TWO people raising a child who are not together anymore.  Of course, the ideal situation is that a child have both of his/her parents in their life and both parents work together to provide that child with as normal of a life as possible and both parents share all the responsiblities in raising that child.  In that realm the parents are "single" parents and not parenting as the sole provider.  That situation is difficult because more often than not the parents split on controversarial terms.  One or the other (most of the time both) have done something to end the relationship and bitterness, resentment, and blame surface, making it difficult to parent together.  Kudos to the parents who rise above all that for the sake of their child and manage to maintain a cordial relationship with their ex (and not choose to use your child as a weapon (as we all know but fail to admit only hurts the child)).  Also that comes along with that type of relationship is the "shared" expenses of raising a child.  As parents we all know children are Expensive! 

(B)
Another type of single parenting is when one parent is considered a part-time parent, leaving the other parent as the "primary" care giver.  That is especially difficult on the child.  This parent is the one who breaks their child's heart over and over again with empty promises.  They do not hold up their end on sharing the responsibilities of raising a child.  They may or may not get their child every other weekend (2 weekends a month).  They may or may not get their child during the summer (or a couple of weeks of the summer).  They may or may not be there to share Christmas, Birthdays, and other holidays.  This parent may or may not pay child support, dental bills, etc.  This parent most of the time views child support as "giving to the primary care giver."   This type of parent is not really a parent.  They are the Disney effect parent.  The child may look up to, look forward to, and seem to love this parent more...because it is different, new, and often times bought affection.  Keep in mind this is temporary.  One day the child will grow up and realize who really took care of them.  They will realize the parent who came to their school play, awards ceremony, sports, took care of them when they were sick, left work to pick them up from school, was their personal taxi is the "real" parent.

(C)
The other type of single parent we have is the one who does it all and does it all alone.  This is the category I fall in.  This is the parent who does not receive any help from the other parent at all.  They raise their child alone.  They pay for this child alone.  This parent is mom, dad, disciplinarian, friend, nurse, everything.  This is probably one of the hardest for a child to understand.  The reason this is so difficult on a child is they do not understand why.  The parent who is there can't really explain it.  I know I can't.  The children may blame their self.  They may blame the parent who is there.  As they grow older they seek to figure out who they are.  The easiest way I can explain is to tell it from my experience. 

Eight years ago my ex-husband and I seperated and then divorced.  We had been in a 12 year relationship/marriage.  For reason's that are not important (for the sake of this blog) we split up and divorced.  As you know we had two children.  The last time I saw their father I gave him a choice because I did not want my children to have a part time dad. I did not want to raise my children in a court battle for the next 13+ years.  And I did not want a stranger (Judge) telling me when I could be with my child and when I couldn't.  His choice was: either be the parent I described in paragraph (A) or be the absent one in (C).  We raise these children as parents and work together or get out and stay out.  He called me the next day and said he didn't think he was responsible enough to be a parent.  His choice was to leave.  Even as a young mother I knew that some day this decision was going to have devastating effects on my girls.  It saddens my heart to ever think they doubt their self or me.  As I have always told them no matter what I am always here and no matter what I'll always be here.  I have to say in his defense I was the hateful parent who wanted to make it difficult.  But when we sat those couple of hours and talked I was honest and I was real with him and I would have worked with him if he chose to stay in their life.  For whatever reasons he made his choice and he'll have to explain it to them.  Not me. 

Parents do not realize the devastating and long-term effects it has on a child to know that they gave up on them.  Whatever the reason is, is it really a good enough reason?  I see it in both of my daughters eyes.  They are hurt, angry, desperate whenever they think about him.  If you are an absent parent or part-time parent stop and think about what you are doing to your child and the long term effects.

I realize that everybody's situation is different.  And sometimes there are circumstances out of your control.  You know where your heart is and what your actions show.  It is up to you to decide and what you can live with in your decisions as parents.  In a perfect world it should never matter what you think of the other parent.  The responsibility falls on you both.  My heart goes out to the children who suffer because of their parents, mine included. 

So when I speak of being a single parent in future blogs, you'll know what kind of single parent I am.