I have been criticized as well as praised for my "hard" core parenting style. I have low tolerance for bad behavior and a blatant disregard for the rules. Some people have made statements to me saying that my girls are so well behaved and that I shouldn't be so hard on them. My response, "Why do you think they are so well behaved?" Seriously. Do you think my children would be well behaved if I let them "run" over top of me? If I didn't set rules and expectations? I expect my daughters to be mindful and respectful to others, to follow the rules, to do their chores, to make good grades. If they do not do what is expected of them then I discipline them. So my children are well behaved and good because of the way I have raised them.
Too often I see parents trying to "befriend" their children. Parents make excuses for their child's unexcusable behavior, and/or enable their negative behavior. And too often it is the child/ren who run the household. It is called parental hierarchy. Why as a parent do they feel the need to be their child's friend? As a parent wouldn't your goal for your children to be better than you are? I hope that my girls will finish high school, go to college, and become responsible and productive adults...for them to be self sufficient. If I am their friend and have no expectations of them then I can expect that behavior to truly show itself when they are adults, still living at home, and mom is still taking care of them and all because I wanted to be their friend. Perhaps when they are grown, I can then be their friend (hopefully their best friend). Ages 13 and 11 is not the time for that. Right now, I have to be the parent and the disciplinarian. Right now, I have to be their conscience when peer pressures are trying to encourage less than acceptable behavior. Right now, I have to teach them how to weigh the consequences of their actions so they can learn to sort through tough decisions.
Rules and structure: Believe it or not children want and like rules and structure. Even when they are pushing and breaking the rules...deep down they like them. My daughters have pretty much had the same routine since they Pre-K. Monday through Fridays went a little something like this:
6:30 AM Wake up, get dress, eat breakfast, catch the bus
3:30 home from school, snack, homework
5:30ish dinner
6:30ish chores, free time
7:30ish bath, get school stuff together for the next day
8:00 Bed (now it is 9:00)
Do they really like a 9:00 bedtime. Probably not. But guess what...kids need 10-12 hours a sleep. They have to get up between 6 and 6:30. If I let them, they would stay up till 11 at least. (except Alyssa, she likes to sleep ;) The girls have had the same routine for years. Evenings go smoothly. They know what they have to do. And for the past several years they have done it without me having to make them. There is no fussing, arguing (except when one of them has used all the hot water), or complaining. They like the structure. So do I.
The arguing rant. Why argue with your child? I refuse to argue with my children. Kayla is the worst :) She always wants to argue and have the last word. Guess what? My word is final. I refuse to argue with her or her sister. I am the Parent. She is the child. When I see parents arguing with their children it makes me wonder who is the parent? and who is the child?
My biggest rant and rave of all is rewarding bad behavior. How many of you have been at the grocery store or department store and witnessed this.... child is talking back to the parent, kicking, screaming, having a total, full blown temper tantrum and the parent bribes good behavior with a toy. "If you be a good boy/girl, I'll buy you this..." Seriously?!? What are you thinking? I have never been the type of parent to buy my child something everytime we go to the store much less reward them for being completely disrespectful, rude, loud, and out of control. Too actually bribe your child to behave....shouldn't that be expected?
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Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Truth Hurts: Parent, Friend, or Disciplinarian
I have been criticized as well as praised for my "hard" core parenting style. I have low tolerance for bad behavior and a blatant disregard for the rules. Some people have made statements to me saying that my girls are so well behaved and that I shouldn't be so hard on them. My response, "Why do you think they are so well behaved?" Seriously. Do you think my children would be well behaved if I let them "run" over top of me? If I didn't set rules and expectations? I expect my daughters to be mindful and respectful to others, to follow the rules, to do their chores, to make good grades. If they do not do what is expected of them then I discipline them. So my children are well behaved and good because of the way I have raised them.
Too often I see parents trying to "befriend" their children. Parents make excuses for their child's unexcusable behavior, and/or enable their negative behavior. And too often it is the child/ren who run the household. It is called parental hierarchy. Why as a parent do they feel the need to be their child's friend? As a parent wouldn't your goal for your children to be better than you are? I hope that my girls will finish high school, go to college, and become responsible and productive adults...for them to be self sufficient. If I am their friend and have no expectations of them then I can expect that behavior to truly show itself when they are adults, still living at home, and mom is still taking care of them and all because I wanted to be their friend. Perhaps when they are grown, I can then be their friend (hopefully their best friend). Ages 13 and 11 is not the time for that. Right now, I have to be the parent and the disciplinarian. Right now, I have to be their conscience when peer pressures are trying to encourage less than acceptable behavior. Right now, I have to teach them how to weigh the consequences of their actions so they can learn to sort through tough decisions.
Rules and structure: Believe it or not children want and like rules and structure. Even when they are pushing and breaking the rules...deep down they like them. My daughters have pretty much had the same routine since they Pre-K. Monday through Fridays went a little something like this:
6:30 AM Wake up, get dress, eat breakfast, catch the bus
3:30 home from school, snack, homework
5:30ish dinner
6:30ish chores, free time
7:30ish bath, get school stuff together for the next day
8:00 Bed (now it is 9:00)
Do they really like a 9:00 bedtime. Probably not. But guess what...kids need 10-12 hours a sleep. They have to get up between 6 and 6:30. If I let them, they would stay up till 11 at least. (except Alyssa, she likes to sleep ;) The girls have had the same routine for years. Evenings go smoothly. They know what they have to do. And for the past several years they have done it without me having to make them. There is no fussing, arguing (except when one of them has used all the hot water), or complaining. They like the structure. So do I.
The arguing rant. Why argue with your child? I refuse to argue with my children. Kayla is the worst :) She always wants to argue and have the last word. Guess what? My word is final. I refuse to argue with her or her sister. I am the Parent. She is the child. When I see parents arguing with their children it makes me wonder who is the parent? and who is the child?
My biggest rant and rave of all is rewarding bad behavior. How many of you have been at the grocery store or department store and witnessed this.... child is talking back to the parent, kicking, screaming, having a total, full blown temper tantrum and the parent bribes good behavior with a toy. "If you be a good boy/girl, I'll buy you this..." Seriously?!? What are you thinking? I have never been the type of parent to buy my child something everytime we go to the store much less reward them for being completely disrespectful, rude, loud, and out of control. Too actually bribe your child to behave....shouldn't that be expected?
Too often I see parents trying to "befriend" their children. Parents make excuses for their child's unexcusable behavior, and/or enable their negative behavior. And too often it is the child/ren who run the household. It is called parental hierarchy. Why as a parent do they feel the need to be their child's friend? As a parent wouldn't your goal for your children to be better than you are? I hope that my girls will finish high school, go to college, and become responsible and productive adults...for them to be self sufficient. If I am their friend and have no expectations of them then I can expect that behavior to truly show itself when they are adults, still living at home, and mom is still taking care of them and all because I wanted to be their friend. Perhaps when they are grown, I can then be their friend (hopefully their best friend). Ages 13 and 11 is not the time for that. Right now, I have to be the parent and the disciplinarian. Right now, I have to be their conscience when peer pressures are trying to encourage less than acceptable behavior. Right now, I have to teach them how to weigh the consequences of their actions so they can learn to sort through tough decisions.
Rules and structure: Believe it or not children want and like rules and structure. Even when they are pushing and breaking the rules...deep down they like them. My daughters have pretty much had the same routine since they Pre-K. Monday through Fridays went a little something like this:
6:30 AM Wake up, get dress, eat breakfast, catch the bus
3:30 home from school, snack, homework
5:30ish dinner
6:30ish chores, free time
7:30ish bath, get school stuff together for the next day
8:00 Bed (now it is 9:00)
Do they really like a 9:00 bedtime. Probably not. But guess what...kids need 10-12 hours a sleep. They have to get up between 6 and 6:30. If I let them, they would stay up till 11 at least. (except Alyssa, she likes to sleep ;) The girls have had the same routine for years. Evenings go smoothly. They know what they have to do. And for the past several years they have done it without me having to make them. There is no fussing, arguing (except when one of them has used all the hot water), or complaining. They like the structure. So do I.
The arguing rant. Why argue with your child? I refuse to argue with my children. Kayla is the worst :) She always wants to argue and have the last word. Guess what? My word is final. I refuse to argue with her or her sister. I am the Parent. She is the child. When I see parents arguing with their children it makes me wonder who is the parent? and who is the child?
My biggest rant and rave of all is rewarding bad behavior. How many of you have been at the grocery store or department store and witnessed this.... child is talking back to the parent, kicking, screaming, having a total, full blown temper tantrum and the parent bribes good behavior with a toy. "If you be a good boy/girl, I'll buy you this..." Seriously?!? What are you thinking? I have never been the type of parent to buy my child something everytime we go to the store much less reward them for being completely disrespectful, rude, loud, and out of control. Too actually bribe your child to behave....shouldn't that be expected?
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